Lesson: Ephesians 5:21-6:4
Golden Text: “Submitting to one another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21).
INTRODUCTION. This week we explore some of God’s instructions on family relationships. The Bible is not an abstract theological book. It is a very practical guide to life. God created the family to be a living illustration of the spiritual reality of the relationship between Christ and His church. Each member of the family has definite responsibilities that are spelled out clearly in God’s Word. This week’s lesson will give us some practical suggestions for working relationships among family members.
II. SUBMISSION (Ephesians 5:21-24)
A. A biblical principle (Ephesians 5:21). The heart of this lesson is stated in this verse as Paul advises his readers that they should be “submitting to one another in the fear of God.” This is a hard assignment for all of us because it goes against what is usually the case with most people. But God does provide special grace through the Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 5:18) to help us obey. The Greek term translated “submitting” was a military term meaning “to rank under.” It included the idea of submitting to, or obeying the one placed over you. Submission arises out of “the fear of God” or reverence for Him. Regardless of our status in life, there will be a time when we all must submit to “one another.” Submission is not popular in our society. Even many Christians refuse to be governed, advised, or to admit they need others.
B. The responsibility of wives (Ephesians 5:22-24).
1. (vs. 22). Paul applied the principle of submission to family life first focusing on the relationship between husbands and wives. In this verse he wrote “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” In other words, the wife is to submit (or rank under) her husband as if she was submitting to the Lord. This means that the wife is to submit to her husband in the same spirit as she would unto the Lord, not sullenly or out of coercion, but with love and trust. Note: In Christ, as well as in the creation, God has established equality between the sexes (see Genesis 2:23-24; I Corinthians 11:11-12; Galatians 3:28; I Peter 3:7). But He has also established an order of authority that must be respected if the family is to function smoothly. The husband has the leadership, and the wife is asked to submit to it as part of her duty to the Lord (see Colossians 3:18; I Peter 3:1). Let us not forget that leadership has the responsibility of serving others.
2. (vs. 23). Paul goes on to say “For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.” The reason that the wife ought to submit to her husband is because “the husband is head of the wife” even as “Christ is head of the church.” Headship involves responsibility for care, but it also implies leadership in making decisions. This is a matter of leadership not dictatorship. As the Head of the church, Christ is “the Savior of the body.” The term “body” refers to the church. Jesus saved us from both the guilt and the penalty of sin and will one day save us from the very presence of sin. Similarly, but in a far limited sense, the husband is appointed to be the “savior” of the wife, sustaining her with physical protection.
3. (vs. 24). Here Paul concluded that “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.” The word “subject” is the same as “submissive.” The wife is to be “subject” to her husband “in everything.” This may seem to be an excessive demand, but it should be seen in the context of the relationship between Christ and the church. Christ, as the Head, never will demand what is not for our good. In the same way, the husband, walking with Christ will only seek what is best for his wife. Note: The husband has no license to be a dictator. He needs to realize that final decisions rest in the hands of Christ, the divinely appointed Leader. The wife should respect the decisions made by her husband as long as those decisions don’t contradict the revealed standards of God.
C.The responsibility of the husbands (Ephesians 5:25). The husband’s duty is just as demanding as his wife’s.The apostle said “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”The husband is to love his wife just like Christ loved the church. This love is not governed by her attractiveness of her behavior; it is governed by God’s command. This love exalts her to the highest honor (see I Peter 3:7). The standard against which the husband must measure his love is Christ’s love for the church. He loved the church in spite of its faults, even to the point that He “gave himself for it.” Christ died for the church and likewise the husband should so love his wife that he will look beyond her flaws and, if necessary, will even give his life for her.
D. Christ’s purpose for the church (Ephesians 5:26-27).
1. (vs. 26). Paul here tells us why Christ died for the church. He said “That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” Christ didn’t die just to save the church’s individual members from hell but to create a clean, holy people for Himself. This is the meaning of “sanctify and cleanse it.” The word “sanctify” means setting apart for oneself. This cleansing was achieved by “the washing of water by the word.” The washing here is not baptism, but the cleansing that comes from “the word.” God’s Word is seen in other scriptures as a cleansing agent (see Psalms 119:9, 11; John 15:3; 17:17).
2. (vs. 27). Jesus’ long range goal for the church is “ That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.” This looks forward to the day when believers will be with Christ in glory and transformed into His likeness (see 1John 3:2-3). It will be a church “not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing.” When the church is finally presented to Christ after He has cleansed it by the Word, it will be totally without defilement: it will be “holy and without blemish.” The church has spots and blemishes now, but Jesus, in love looks beyond that and sees us as we will be. A husband too, should look beyond his wife’s faults and see her as she will be in glory. He should also remember that unlike Christ, he too has faults his wife must overlook.
E. The principle of unity (Ephesians 5:28-31).
1. (vs. 28). In this verse, Paul continues his exhortation for husbands to love their wives (see verse 25), but he adds a new thought. He says “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.” Man and woman become one in marriage. Human beings treasure their own physical life which is bound up in their bodies. That’s why a man should love his wife as he loves and cares for his own flesh since in marriage, spiritually they become one flesh (see Genesis 2:24).
2. (vs. 29). Paul amplifies this thought by saying “For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church.” No normal person is born suicidal or in any way wants to harm himself. God makes human beings with a desire to preserve their lives and care for their bodies. Just as a man nourishes and cherishes his own life, he should do the same for his wife. Love dictates that the husband should expend the same resources on his wife’s physical, spiritual, and intellectual development that he would on himself. He may not have the means to do what he can do for her, but he should never give her reason to question his intentions. In the deeper meaning of the Lord and His church, Christ “nourisheth and cherisheth it.”
3. (vs. 30). To further explain why the husband should nourish and cherish his wife, Paul likens this to how Christ nourishes and cherishes the church. Jesus cares for us so much because “we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.” Since the body of Christ is one even though it is made up of many members, the husband and wife relationship is also one just as God wants it to be. As Christ cares for every member of His body, so should the husband care for his wife. The phrase “of his flesh, and of his bones” does not mean that we have become part of Christ’s physical body. Instead it is figurative language from Genesis 2:23 that emphasizes our intimate union with Christ.
4. (vs. 31). Paul here refers to Genesis 2:24 as a scriptural basis for unity in the marriage. He said in this verse “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.” This verse establishes that the husband and wife “shall be one flesh.” But it also says more. It tells us that the parent-child relationship must come after the bond of marriage, because a man must “leave his father and mother.” This verse also argues against plural marriage, for only one husband and one wife are in view. The emphasis on unity and fidelity also rules out extramarital sexual unions (see I Corinthians 6:16). The phrase “shall be joined unto his wife” adds the fact that since God established the union divorce is ruled out (see Mark 10:7-9).
F. The mystery of the church (Ephesians 5:32). Here Paul says, “This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.” This teaching about marriage and its relationship to Christ Paul said was “a great mystery.” A “mystery” is a secret hidden in God’s mind that now is revealed to those who are spiritually qualified to receive it. The “great mystery” mystery here refers to God’s statement about marriage in Genesis 2:24. It contains more divine truth than appears on the surface, for it includes truth about Christ and the church. Marriage is only a picture of that relationship.
G. The responsibilities summarized (Ephesians 5:33). In this verse Paul says, “Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” The word “Nevertheless” shows that in spite of Paul’s interest in the church as Christ’s body, he knew that he must end this passage the same way he began. He therefore repeated the exhortations he gave in verses 22 and 28 by saying every husband was to love his wife as himself, and every wife was to reverence her husband. Note: Christian spouses often define their relationships according to the prevailing practices in society. Of course that is an inadequate basis for a Christian home.God’s Word must be our standard.Our marriages portray before others the spiritual relationship between Christ and the church.Only spirit-filled marriage partners can fulfill it adequately.
III. GUIDELINES FOR CHILDREN AND PARENTS (Ephesians 6:1-4)
A. The responsibilities of children (Ephesians 6:1-3).
1. (vs. 1). The spirit must also control the relationship between children and parents. In this verse the apostle said “Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right.” The phrase “in the Lord” indicates that Paul is speaking to both parents and children who acknowledge the authority of Christ. It also implies that a child will obey because he or she is properly related to the Lord. The reason for obedience is because “this is right.” It’s right because God established the family with a logical order of authority and to ignore that harms both family and society. Note: Children need to take their biblical responsibility to obey their parents very seriously. The sin of being disobedient to parents is listed in Romans 1:30 alongside some heinous sins.
2. (vs. 2). The command in the previous verse is amplified in this verse where the writer says “Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise.” The term “Honor” means to value or esteem. Showing “honor” is broader than mere obedience. It implies giving parents all that is due them at every stage of life. Obedience ceases when the child grows up and establishes his or her own home; but honor means continuing respect, love, and care, even in the parents’ old age. Honoring parents, Paul said “is the first commandment with promise.” In the Decalogue (The Ten Commandments) this command is the only one with a promise (see Exodus 20:12). Maybe the writer was thinking of this command in relation to all of Israel’s commandments not just the original ten. If that is the case, it would be the first commandment with a promise.
3. (vs. 3). The promise to those who honor their parents is “That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” The original promise reads “That thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee” (see Exodus 20:12). For the nation of Israel this meant that if children honored parents and remained true to the Lord, the nation would not be expelled from Canaan. For the individual Israelite child it meant long life because they would not be executed for rebellion (see Deuteronomy 21:18-21). This promise carries a general principle for today. The child who follows the sound example and advice of godly parents lays a solid foundation for a healthy life and avoids those practices that shorten his or her life. However, this does not guarantee long life. The early death of a child should not be interpreted as divine judgment for sin.
B. The responsibilities of parents (Ephesians 6:4). As the spiritual leaders of the family and
charged with showing proper treatment and training of their children, Paul here addressed fathers saying “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” Although mothers also should pay attention to theses exhortations, it is clear that fathers are expected to take the initiative. The phrase “provoke not your children to wrath” forbids causing unnecessary irritation of the child by excessive strictness, inconsistency in punishment, lack of emotional control and/or showing partiality. In addition, fathers are to bring up or raise children “in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.” The term “nurture” refers to the entire process of child training which includes discipline. “Admonition” refers to spoken exhortation, warning and correction. Fathers are ultimately responsible for the teaching and training of their children. In fact, the phrase “admonition of the Lord” commands that fathers train their children in the things of the Lord which involves training them toward spiritual maturity. Giving nurture and admonition implies training with mild discipline when needed. A father’s primary purpose is to see that his children become adults who love God.
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